Over one hundred days ago, I entered Stanford Hospital to begin my treatment for CLL (chronic lymphocytic leukemia). For two weeks, I underwent radiation. For one week I was given a powerful monoclonal antibody. The object of the procedures was to destroy most of my already battered immune system. I dutifully put on a HEPA mask whenever I left my hospital room or went out, mostly to the ITA (Infusion Treatment Area). My immune system was so destroyed that I contracted a virus called Herpes Zoster (shingles). This virus disseminated into my blood and had it gotten into a vital organ, I would have died. It was a close call — closer than I suspected, it turns out. Read the rest of this entry »

Today, I received what veterans call an “early out.” I am receiving a good conduct discharge on Feb. 2, nine days early. I’ve taken a lot of drugs. I haven’t missed an infusion. I have kept to my diet. I dutifully drink 90+ fluid ounces of liquid every day. I’ve earned it. I’m really a short timer now! (I also hereby reserve the right to change tenses within a single paragraph!) Read the rest of this entry »

No, that’s not a misspelling. About a week ago the nurses noticed some discharge at the place where my central venous catheter entered my chest. I was experiencing no pain but out of caution they swabbed the area and sent a specimen to the lab. It turned out positive for a virus called pseudomonas. So they pulled out the catheter. For the past week, I have had to go to the ITA every day for an infusion of antibiotics to kill it off. My luck again, they got it early. It hadn’t entered my blood stream and disseminated. They say that if it did, it could have been life threatening. Wow! I sure wish I had a functioning immune system. As Joni Mitchell says, “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” Read the rest of this entry »

It is day 73 and I am feeling pretty good. I can walk like a normal person. I can work out with light free weights. Every day, I seem to get stronger. This makes me nervous. Whenever I am feeling good, I look over my shoulder for some damn Damocles who is lurking about waiting to lop of my head. I can’t shake this feeling that something nefarious is afoot in transplant land. In this case, my mind is working out a scenario something like this: You’re feeling pretty good, you have no evidence of even mild graft versus host disease maybe that means that the transplant is not working; maybe your old, leukemia-ridden blood is winning the battle. Of course, the same logic could work equally well if I was feeling lousy. Read the rest of this entry »

The Midnight Special has a verse that goes: “You get up in the morning when the ding-dong rings. You go to the table, see the same damn things…”

I sometimes sing the whole damn song, but that is the verse that has all the meaning for me right now. It’s apropos of my day. Today is day 67. I’m two-thirds of the way through my hundred-day odyssey. A malaise is setting in. I’m beginning to understand why that ancient mariner bumped off that albatross. It made that day different from all his other days. Read the rest of this entry »