Are you a couch potato? Have you grown too large for your Snuggy™? Do you hate to exercise and prefer cultivating bedsores? You like to eat carbs but you still want to lose weight. I have just the diet for you!

You’ve heard about leukemia and lymphoma, I’m sure. But what you may not realize is that the curative treatments deliver day upon day of fatigue and energy loss. But why should you care? You’re on the sofa anyway. You’ll have enough in reserve most days to punch commands into the remote. Trust me.

I’ve lost nearly twenty pounds in thirty days and I don’t have exercise to blame. Also, the chemo and radiation act as a powerful ally in the fight against excess weight. They make food taste terrible.

So whether or not you have one of the dreaded “L”s you might want to give a thought to a strong dose of radiation, chemo and associated pills. Get on that couch and lose those unsightly pounds.

Side effects may include nausea, diarrhea, constipation, shortness of breath, swollen ankles, edema in the lungs, headaches, renal failure, liver failure, heart failure, strokes and death. But what the hell, you’re well on your way with that stuff anyway.